Arr, Me Hearties!
Lookin' to go on a Sea Cruise?
Join the finest ship 'n crew in all the waters for a long voyage to high adventure!
Sail through tranquil waters the color of sapphires! Rest along sandy beaches and soak up the tropical sun! Sip fine rum and eat delectable victuals from our ship's galley!
We provide the finest of vacations fer you 'n yer whole gang! Even bring the Mother in Law and make her "Walk the Plank!" don't worry, Mom, there's no actual Plank! But we do have a wonderful water slide called "the Plank" that the wee kids will love to slide down into the wonderful sparkling aqua waters.
Have fun and sail with us! Affordable packages are starting today!
Yarr, Ye'll have the time of yer life! Come to "Bon Voyage Cove" and let the excitement begin!
Note: There is totally a plank. Also, the Trip ends in a Pirate Island and may or may not end with you being ransomed off or sold into slavery. There are Sharks as well, and they tend to eat people who fall off the boat, so no swimming allowed. Food is moldy bread and slimy water. Rum and Grog are for Crew Alone. Packages are not affordable, we take everything. You will hate the entire trip, unless your a masochist, then you'll probably join the crew. The are no tranquil waters where we sail in all honesty, there are a LOT of storms. Deal with it. Puking is a flogging offense by the way, that was good rations we made you eat, think we're made of money? The sandy beaches will be where we force you to dig deep holes for our buried treasure, work on plantations harvesting trade goods, or possibly a shallow grave when you die of exhaustion. did I mention the disease? Because expect Scurvy, Typhoid, Dysentery, Influenza, Small Pox, The Plague, a wide variety of Venereal Diseases (We do have a Montaigne somewhere on the ship), Insanity, Loss of Limb, Loss of Sight, Broken Bones, Welts, Contusions, Blood Loss, Possible Death, Diarrhea, Hypertension, Dislocation of Joints, Stress, Depression, and Nausea. Some visitors have experienced other symptoms so check with your doctor before coming aboard. Basically the entire thing is a scam. I would not ever encourage you to do this. However, our lawyers of Dewey, Screwem, and Howe told us to include this legal boilerplate stating that you have been made aware of all of this, and arriving at the Bon Voyage Cove is a tacit agreement to be molested, beaten, robbed, and sold like chattel. Also just be reading this fine print you waive all right to complain, litigate, sue, or seek retribution via the law, crown, or other legal means.
"Offical Educated Guesser of Interphaze"
King Jal Fatespinner the First, the Peacemaker, the Lawbringer, the Just, the Merciful, the Pious, the Boatbuilder, the Seafarer, the Wanderer, the Farseerer, the Chosen. Apparently also the Thieves Guildmaster